Harriette Cole: Is there a way to compromise on having a baby?

DEAR HARRIETTE My husband wants to have a baby I do not Related Articles Harriette Cole I see the boyfriend s secret home as a huge red flag Harriette Cole Why would my ex call out of the blue after the way we broke up Harriette Cole What did she mean by her comment about my birthday party Harriette Cole Seeing my friend at her new job made me feel bad Harriette Cole I m embarrassed that my daughter is that kid in day care Now you re supposedly thinking that we should ve discussed this before we got married but I don t think either of us had a hard stance on the subject back then My husband has two beautiful stepdaughters from a previous relationship and when he and I were dating I spent a lot of time getting to know them I love children and thought I was open to them but five years into marriage and stepmotherhood with a fast-paced career to tend to I don t feel the need to have my own Not long ago my husband shared with me that he would really love for us to have a child together He showers me with compliments about what kind of mother he knows I would be and while I appreciate it I feel happy with the children we at this moment have in our lives How can two people compromise on something so black-and-white Baby Fever DEAR BABY FEVER You just have to be honest Tell him you appreciate his belief that you would be a great mom but it is not something you want or are willing to commit to doing Point out that you understand the sacrifice and you lack the interest or willingness to do that Note that you love his stepchildren and are grateful that they are integral to your lives and that s enough for you Apologize for not discussing this before you got married Do know that should you get pregnant your opinion might change It did for me I wasn t planning on having children and it s the best thing I ve ever done in my life DEAR HARRIETTE My son and I have a strange relationship Since he moved out things have been even more strained We were never close he was inevitably a bit tucked away and not welcoming when I would try to bond with him Now he doesn t even call me I didn t see any of this coming I am trying hard not to let my feelings get the best of me but I feel rejected at this point which keeps me from calling him He still stops by the house for holidays and when he demands something so I try to be kind When we know he s coming over I ll cook food for him to take back with him and try to purchase things he may need but still it seems like it s hard for him to reciprocate any gestures I just want to know that he s open to trying What am I doing wrong Sad Mom Related Articles Dear Abby What do I look like the Cheesecake Factory Asking Eric It s not in my nature to ghost but boy is she boring Harriette Cole I see the boyfriend s secret home as a huge red flag Miss Manners How can I work with these people now that I know they tattle on me Dear Abby I was stunned to see my new co-worker perform this mocking dance DEAR SAD MOM Accept your son for who he is knowing he has inevitably been distant Don t be mad that he doesn t call you Call him if you want to check in Don t let your feelings get the best of you Continue to do kind things for him Thank him when he comes to visit Enjoy the moments you do have without expectation Don t wait for anything else from him Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO