Harriette Cole: I’m tempted to get back at my husband for the Chili’s dinner
DEAR HARRIETTE My husband s birthday is coming up soon and I m torn about how to handle it Related Articles Harriette Cole My daughters have stopped speaking because of a stupid joke Harriette Cole My teen expects us to buy her a new car after she wrecked hers Harriette Cole My model friend accused me of hindering their career Harriette Cole My mother s revelation puts my childhood in a different light Harriette Cole I saw my missing cat in the neighbors window and they won t admit it Last year on my birthday he totally forgot it was even happening until the evening I tried to brush it off but it really hurt When he in the end remembered he expeditiously suggested we go out to eat and we ended up at Chili s Don t get me wrong I appreciate any effort but it felt like such an afterthought especially because I unfailingly go out of my way to make his birthdays feel special I plan initiatives I surprise him and I try to make the day meaningful Now that my husband s birthday is around the corner part of me feels like doing the same thing he did for me waiting until the evening and then taking him somewhere super casual just to see how he reacts I know it might sound childish or even petty but I feel like I m constantly giving more effort than I receive and I m tired of it I don t want to stoop to his level but I also don t want to keep setting the bar high for someone who doesn t do the same in return Would it be absolutely immature if I did what he did for me last year or is there a better way to make a point without being petty Bad Birthday DEAR BAD BIRTHDAY Rather than fretting over what your husband doesn t do tell him what you would like him to do for you for your big day Let this include whatever you feel makes your birthday special you can even tell him what you d like to receive as a gift Ask him to think about that as he plans your celebration next year Make it clear that you expect him to do something to make you feel happy Does this spoil whatever surprise might come Hopefully it eliminates the possibility that your husband does nothing because you will be reminding him in advance of your special day and alerting him to how to celebrate Don t be petty with your husband s birthday Show him how you want your own birthday to be celebrated and enjoy what you plan DEAR HARRIETTE I love to go to the beach and hang out in the sun My spouse does not She has extremely sensitive skin which is likely why she avoids the sun This is a bummer for me When I think of things to do for fun in the summer every idea involves being outside in the sun She has the opposite thoughts How can I be more considerate of her without absolutely giving up my source of fun Sun Worshipper Related Articles Miss Manners The bride screwed up What can she say to smooth things over Dear Abby Our son was clean and fit until Emily came along Asking Eric I don t want my grandchild calling anyone else Nonna Dear Abby The mom leaves her kids with us every weekend Asking Eric My friend doesn t realize what s going on in my life DEAR SUN WORSHIPPER Think about your spouse and yourself as you plan pursuits If you want to go to the beach find a location that has cabana services so your spouse can be wholly shaded as you sit nearby in the sun Research garments with tool that blocks harmful rays and make it practicable for your spouse to be outside Look into fun outdoor engagements that start after the sun goes down Maybe she can visit a spa during the day while you sunbathe and the two of you can dance at night under the stars safe from harmful rays Put your thinking cap on Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO
