Dear Abby: The secret about my husband has turned my world upside down
DEAR ABBY My ex-husband was exposed dead in his home three months ago He was a bitter man who never forgave me for leaving him We were divorced for years before his death and have two children and four beautiful grandchildren For years he bitterly complained to our children and refused to attend special events because I left him When there were issues he refused to help insisting it was my fault because I had left The truth is I left after I walked in on him having sex with my older sister Neither of them saw me and I never described him Now he s gone My sister who in recent months lost her husband keeps talking to me about my ex-husband saying how good-looking he was It makes me sick I loved my husband when I left him but I could never forgive him I wish I had revealed something to him when he was alive but it s too late Every time my sister speaks of him I get so upset I want to confront her about it but fear it would do more harm than good His death has turned my world upside down I am so confused HURT IN THE EAST DEAR HURT You should have stated your ex the reason you left before you did it I can t imagine why you stayed silent While particular couples manage to move beyond infidelity a large number of do not and you had a valid reason for divorcing him The next time your sister starts talking about how good-looking your ex was do something you should have done decades ago Tell her you have known for years how attractive she uncovered him because you walked in on them in flagrante which is why you walked out I see nothing to be gained by not speaking up at this point except more pain and turmoil for yourself DEAR ABBY Three decades ago my husband and I were a military couple stationed overseas to a remote assignment I was raped by a fellow officer but I was too frightened to record it I became pregnant and to this day I cannot truthfully say whether my child is my husband s or a consequence of the rape I greatly love my precious son but I have looked at him for years praying he is the son of my wonderful husband I conclusively shared the stress of my secret with a military healthcare provider years ago and was greatly helped by his response Until now My son is interested in DNA tests and I am terrified my secret will be exposed I am unwilling to share this with my husband or my son I don t want my life to fall apart as I enter my th year and th year of marriage Please advise ANONYMOUS WIFE AND MOTHER Related Articles Asking Eric How can I spend my new money and still keep it a secret from my friends Harriette Cole I feel like she s using me as a prop for her online persona Miss Manners I was informed I was rude for putting the hostess in this position Dear Abby I had surgery and my husband wouldn t stay home with me Asking Eric She chose a hurtful way to let me know I can t come to the wedding DEAR ANONYMOUS Ask your current physician for a confidential referral to a medical professional with a specialty in DNA paternity Consult the person explain the circumstances and ask if it would be accomplishable to submit samples of your husband s and your son s DNA for examination Getting DNA can be as simple as collecting a toothbrush or an eating utensil the person has used If it turns out that your son is not your husband s I m advising that you tell them both about what happened to you so they won t wrongly conclude that you were unfaithful What happened to you was not your fault Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA
