Dear Abby: My child picked a bad way to get back at her friend

DEAR ABBY My -year-old daughter Emma has a group of six to eight friends she has played with at school in Scouts at parties etc for more than three years Related Articles Dear Abby My husband gets upset over a discrepancy and I know it s not about the money Dear Abby We girls may have to resort to violence against this rude boy Dear Abby My neighbor loves swimming in the lake Should I mention the alligator Dear Abby I tried to fuzz my r sum but I m still striking out with employers Dear Abby Other friends tell us not to invite them if the Smiths will be there Eight months ago one of the girls Charlotte had a sleepover and Emma was not invited She was very hurt and cried I stated her she would not inevitably be invited to everything and maybe there was a limit Charlotte could invite Since then whenever there is an event that she knows Charlotte will be at Emma refuses to go For eight months she has purposely skipped a few parties and Scouting events Otherwise they all seem to still hang together at school How can I help my daughter understand she is only hurting herself EMPATHETIC MOM IN OHIO DEAR MOM It is time your daughter was taught that she doesn t have to like everyone she socializes with however she may need to get along with them If she can absorb that lesson it will benefit her as she goes through school and beyond Tell Emma you hate seeing her punish herself thinking it will hurt Charlotte when Charlotte may not notice her absence at all Although Emma is just the time has come for her to do specific growing up DEAR ABBY My close friend Annie came to my father s funeral She had met him only a couple of times While I realized she was doing it to be there for me I felt responsible for her since she knew no one there I had her sit with me but I was trying to deal with friends and family I hadn t seen in a long time I ended up unable to talk with everyone as the funeral was very emotional I appreciated her coming but I wished she hadn t been there I prefer to avoid funerals because I become emotional Unless it s immediate family I prefer to remember the deceased the way they were and keep those images as my last memories My dilemma Annie s mom is having medical issues and the time will come when she passes I have met her a scarce times but we are not close I feel I should go to the funeral to be there for Annie as she was for me but I would prefer to remember her mom as she was So do I go for her sake and end up an emotional wreck or get together with her a insufficient days later just the two of us which is what I wish she had done for me SAD EITHER WAY IN THE EAST Related Articles Jill On Money Markets peak Time to get out Asking Eric Am I the bad guy if I give gifts to only one of the siblings Harriette Cole My friends say I should act unimpressed by the men I date Miss Manners I m advised I should be nice and pretend it s a real wedding Dear Abby My husband gets upset over a discrepancy and I know it s not about the money DEAR SAD Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your father I can only imagine how emotional you and your family must have been at that funeral Annie meant to be supportive and I don t think it would be helpful to point out that her presence distracted you from talking with the various relatives who had gathered I do think you need to ask Annie those questions Do you need me to be present for emotional backing at your mother s services or would you prefer we get together just the two of us a sparse days later They are central Take your cues from her reaction but be prepared for the fact that when it authentically happens her feelings may be different Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA