Asking Eric: My husband won’t tell me what happened to his car

Dear Eric My husband of almost years explained to me for the very first time I don t want to talk about it He is and I am Related Articles Asking Eric I want these women out of my fiance s house Asking Eric I m starting to suspect my husband lied about his first wife Asking Eric My friend goes blind for hours and he won t do anything about it Asking Eric How can I remain civil after what the bride s father did Asking Eric I walked in on an alarming tickle attack and I feel guilty about what I did The topic was two incidents of damage to his newly purchased Honda It has now been four days and he has not mentioned the topic How long should I keep waiting Is it OK of him to make this request In the Dark Dear Dark Every couple has their own internal rules so what s OK for selected might not be for others If you feel that one of the core agreements of your relationship is that you talk about everything this might be a good opportunity to point that out to your husband and ask him what s behind his response You also might think about why he could be avoiding talking Perhaps he caused the damage and is feeling embarrassed or frustrated by a change in his driving ability You could ask him about that directly but empathetically by saying something like I haven t noticed anything that I m worried about but if you ve noticed something different about your driving would you please tell me I want to help keep you safe I don t want to put ideas in your head It could be nothing to talk about But you can begin to get certain of the answers you re looking for by asking several whys instead of what happened This keeps the lines of communication open without putting you in a position where you have to pressure him Dear Eric I am retired after years of teaching at the same institution In the last few days a former colleague of mine died I was never close to this woman but we were in the same department and had to collaborate on a large number of projects and initiatives Dealing with her was a challenge but I tried my best to be professional She was often unpleasant to me disparaged my ideas and tried to undermine me with our department chair In two months there will be a memorial organization for this woman Her daughter has written to me asking if I could be one of the eulogizers To be honest I truly had no intention of even attending the event Should I be honest with the daughter and tell her that her mother and I were not at all close and that she should find someone else Should I try to find something nice to say about this woman and just go Should I make plans to be out of the country at the time of the provision When urged to speak at a funeral or memorial provision is one obligated to do so Unwilling Participant Dear Participant The saying goes that one shouldn t speak ill of the dead but by the same token one isn t obligated to say anything at all You don t have to speak at the funeral and you certainly don t have to book an international flight The daughter doesn t need to know the nitty-gritty of your demanding working relationship with her mom though The kindest thing for both of you is to tell her that you re grateful to be questioned but you don t feel content eulogizing her mother Then express your condolences and leave it at that If you feel so inclined you might ask her if she demands other suggestions for people from the department whom she can ask Dear Eric Good advice for Frustrated Sister-in-Law whose brother-in-law was pressuring her to give him part of her inheritance When my wife s father passed away we were sent a copy of the will The first thing I saw was that her sister was given a larger percentage than my wife and her brother My wife and her brother were upset They were adopted and the sister with a larger share was not I know it hurt both of them since they think that was the reason I notified my wife it was because the sister was not as well off financially Who knows Related Articles Harriette Cole Should I invite Dad if he s not happy about my wedding Miss Manners I just determined out what my mother-in-law has been saying about me Dear Abby What I meant to be a compliment led to a big rift with my son s wife Asking Eric I want these women out of my fiance s house Harriette Cole I m thinking of quitting over this new rule at work My advice is that parents should make it perfectly clear as to who will get what and the reasons why Do not leave your children wondering if it was favoritism or they felt that one child needed more help If your children get upset with your decision it is better to have it discussed now than after you are gone How multiple families are split over this fight between siblings after the parents are gone Will and Testament Dear Will This is excellent advice I wish every person when preparing their will or making plans for their estate would communicate their wishes to their loved ones Money talks but it mumbles sometimes Communication about what we re leaving to whom and why can prevent so much hurt Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram oureric and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com